Elisabeth Donati

New Year’s Resolutions – Don’t Do It!

Dec 152011

I have never set New Year’s Resolutions. I make choices along the way as needed. I’ve always felt that making a decision to start, stop or change something about myself just because it’s a particular day was a disappointment in the making and I urge my clients not to make them either. You make decisions and stick with them when things become a priority in your life that weren’t a priority before.

The better question to ask yourself is this?

What is a priority in my life and does the direction I’m heading reflect that priority?

I’ve heard this wonderful quote before…

“If you want to know what you’re committed to in your life, look at your life!”

Enough said.

The Keys To Getting What You Want

Life Lessons For Happy, Stuff We Don't Learn

Nov 152011

I’m in the process of moving after some 9 years in one house and another 7 years next door. In other words, this is the first time I’m having to actually PACK things in boxes in 16 years! What a gift that has been in itself. And yet, maybe not.

I have found distress in being in one place on a few levels and now that I am free to make new choices, I am excited about what I can choose. My only challenge all through my life has been that there have always been so many things I found fascinating and interesting.

Well, as everyone knows, in order to pack properly, you have to go through cupboards and shelves and closets and existing boxes found therein (if you want to be thorough) and ask the all too repetitive question, “Do I need and/or want to keep this or should I donate it, recycle it or just throw it away?” Where exactly IS ‘away’ by the way?

This morning I happen to pull out the proverbial ‘keep sake’ box and started going through it, realizing there are plenty of things in it that I really don’t want to keep.

I found photos, of course, poems (I’ve written a zillion of them), snippets of thoughts, my son’s things from when he was little (soooo cute) and a lot more.

But the thing that made me stop and sit down to write this little blog was a piece of writing I discovered that I had written almost ten years ago. It was a bit on the profound side and carries it in a lot of wisdom (who knew I had that wisdom at 40 years old. I was impressed).

The reason it’s so profound is that it contains between the words, the answer to the question, “How Do I Get What I Want?” I’m sure you’ll enjoy…

Loving makes us vulnerable and being vulnerable makes us lovable.

It’s OK not to be perfect and perfect not to be OK.

In order to find the person we wish to fall in love with, we have to be that person whom someone else could fall in love with.

If we want someone in our life who is happy and playful and passionate, we have to be happy and playful and passionate ourselves (insert your own values, traits or preferences into that sentence).

In order to find someone who is ready for a long term, committed relationship, you have to be ready for a long term, committed relationship.

Though I obviously wrote these things when I was getting ready to attract the right person into my life for a long term, committed relationship (and I did…his name is Steve Gordon:-), the bottom line is, in order to get anything you want, you first have to BE whatever it is in order to attract it into your life.

This goes for wealth: you have to act and think like wealthy people in order to become wealthy.

This goes for health: you have to act and think like healthy people in order to become healthy.

This goes for love: you have to act and think like loving people in order to be loved.

It’s just the nature of nature. The key to getting what you want is to be that thing first!

So…who and what are YOU going to be, and when will you start being those things? Get going now…you have some decisions to make.

Lastly, my wish for you, and everyone I meet, is that they experience everything they wish to experience in this life. Whether you do or you don’t, it’s completely up to you.

What are you caught up in?

Financial Education, Life Lessons For Happy

Nov 042011

Most people I know these days, and people I read about or hear about in the news, are caught up in something. It’s really a fill-in-the-blank sort of phrase that most everyone can use to describe one or many aspects of their lives. Try it on for size.

I get caught up in… (go ahead, say it)

Relationships, jobs, thought processes, attitudes, philosophies, types of exercise, a certain way of eating, learning about something, ideas, politics, belief systems on just about any subject, and on and on and on.

What are YOU caught up in?

I am so aware of when I personally get ‘caught up in _______’ that I now do my best to STOP IT as soon as I notice what I’m doing, thinking or believing so that I don’t stay ‘caught up in ________ ‘ forever. I guess you might even say I sometimes get caught up in catching myself being caught up in stuff:-)!

That’s what happens, you know. We start doing something a certain way…thinking, eating, exercising, talking, being…and we literally get ‘caught’ in the trap of whatever the thing is. Often it’s several things at once and when this happens, our sweet and gentle beings often become unable of being anything or anyone else.

Look at someone who was brought up a devout Christian or a hard core Liberal or a strict Vegetarian. That person may be so indoctrinated in the culture that goes along with that that he or she often can’t see that they are ‘caught up in ________’ to begin with, they often can’t even have thoughts about whether or not they really want to be caught up in it in the first place.

This is how belief systems control our lives…or seem to, at least. And it’s only through changing the belief system about any particular aspect of our lives that gives us the chance to change and stop being ‘caught up in_______’.

Let’s say you’re overweight and out of shape. Think back to how long you’ve been that way. Think about the thought processes that got you that way and keep you that way. I would venture to say that the thoughts are pretty constant. And even if you SAY you want to be different, your thoughts and belief systems about being overweight and out of shape run much deeper and will likely keep you there.

Let’s say you’re in a job you don’t like. Again, think back to how long you’ve been hating your job. Is it just this last job or has it been several jobs (or all jobs) prior to your current job?Notice if you have the same thoughts and feelings about having a job in general. Can you see why things never change? It’s probably because your thoughts and feelings and belief systems around ‘having a job’ never change.

Let’s say you’re in a relationship where you don’t get what you want and you don’t feel appreciated. One more time, think about how long you’ve had these same thoughts and feelings about relationships you’ve been in. Have you ever had a relationship where the other person wanted you to have what you wanted and helped you feel appreciated? If you have, what changed and why did it change? Chances are, most of your relationships have been pretty constant.

Why do things seem to stay the same and seem so hard to change? Because you’re ‘caught up in’ what creates those things. In order to change things you want to change, you need to get ‘caught up in’ something different…at least temporarily…so that you develop a new mindset (and new habits of being) around whatever it is you’re not happy about in your life.

Let’s say you are in a money rut. You don’t have the money you want or need but you can’t get out of it. Chances are you’re caught up in ___________ and, believe me, it’s not the money you’re caught up in. Look over your life and see if you can identify your beliefs around money. Do you believe that money is a measure of your success? Of your worthiness? If you do, and you don’t think you deserve more than you have, do you think you’ll ever get out of that rut?

We work really hard to keep our stories and beliefs intact. If we didn’t who would we be? Really…WHO would we be?

Just something to think about.

Life Lesson: Spend a day without letting anything bother you

Life Lessons For Happy, Stuff We Don't Learn

Oct 242011

Yes, that’s the assignment…and it won’t be easy.

Choose a day to do this. Tomorrow, next week. Doesn’t matter but make sure you choose the day.

Why? Because on THAT day, you will be challenged beyond measure during this all important lesson.

Once you have the day determined, just do it, as Nike says.

Get up in the morning and let everything, and I mean EVERYTHING be perfectly OK. That means…

Everything you eat
Everything you drink
Everything you feel: emotionally, physically
Every person you meet or see
Everything you do or someone else does
Everything you see or read about or watch on TV
Everything…

…is just fine the way it is on that day. Watch your reactions when you want to make it wrong. You’ll have trouble with that one for sure…or at least most people do.

When the day is done, take time to write in a journal or notebook about your experiences. And then revisit the lesson often because you WILL forget it. It’s human nature to forget it.

What IS the lesson? That it’s what we make up about the things in our lives that cause us not to be ecstatically happy each day.

And then, once you get the lesson? Get up the next day and learn it all over again.

Class dismissed…

I’m ‘like’ about to scream!

Kids These Days

May 012011

(Article first published as I’m LIKE About to Scream! on Technorati)

If it’s one thing I don’t understand these days, it’s why parents (and teachers) don’t stop kids from saying the word LIKE all the time. I mean really, is it that tough to find words to use these days that every other word needs to like…like?

According to Patricia O’Conner, in an article called Language: Learning to like like, the word ‘like’ is a friendly word. I don’t think so. For me, it makes what people are trying to say so convoluted, I often forget where they started because I’m trying to keep up with the ‘real’ words in the sentence.

I teach a financial education camp for kids and teens and I always chat with the kids about how they talk. I don’t let them use the word ‘like’ anywhere in their speech except for when it’s supposed to be used, like in a real sentence when they are describing that something is like something else.

And it’s not hard to do. All you have to do is make the kids aware that they are doing it and then tell them how stupid they sound (yes, that’s what I tell them) and how they’re never going to be hired if they sit in an interview and use ‘like’ every third word.

My kids immediately start realizing how often they’re saying the word and, well, basically, they can’t talk for quite a while because every time they try to say something, LIKE slips out and they get frustrated or silly (i.e., embarrassed) or experience any other myriad of emotions. Eventually though, they do get it.

The point is…we hear them say it all the time. Heck, I catch myself using the word sometimes and immediately correct myself and move on.

Parents and teachers could easily vanquish this annoying verbal habit from the mouths of our babes everywhere in a week by simply not allowing it in their homes and classrooms.

Well, like, are you willing to take the time to help clean up the English language, or not? It’s no wonder the rest of the world thinks Americans are stupid. We SOUND stupid.

So what do you say? Shall we learn to speak proper English again anytime soon? My ears sure hope so.

How To Fix The School System

Government, Kids These Days, Parents These Days

Apr 152011

Since I’m in the business of teaching kids…albeit about money and investing…I’m constantly talking to people about HOW to teach kids. And virtually every one I talk to is completely fed up with the nation’s school system, particularly the ‘testing situation’ and what it’s doing to our nation’s kids.

But what I don’t see is anyone banding together as a LARGE organization to change it. And change it needs.

I will submit this idea. I’ve been thinking it for years and have been vocalizing it for almost as long as I’ve been thinking it.

We all know we need to change what’s coming down from the Federal Government.

We all know that the ‘No Child Left Behind” Act has left every child behind.

We all know that what keeps teachers and administration perpetuating this terrible condition where the teachers are forced to ‘teach to the tests’ as it’s known and administrators are being pressured from all sides to get the scores up or else (they lose money from various sources).

Now I’m not going to talk about WHY we need to change the testing situation in this country. There are so many reason why testing is bad for our kids, it would make your head spin (start with the fact that stress causes the brain not to work as well so the very act of testing causes a dumbing down of the kids because they score lower than they would if they weren’t stressed). If you want to know more, just Google “why testing is bad for our kids” or just click here: http://www.alfiekohn.org/teaching/edweek/staiv.htm

But how about this radical idea…

We change the top from the bottom up. What I mean is this…

1) Let’s choose a year to stop the testing that is being done. Let’s say 2012!

2) Let’s encourage every teacher in America who hates preparing for, and giving, these tests to refuse to give them in 2012. This way they can go back to what they all profess to love…teaching.

3) Let’s encourage every parent who hates the fact that they children are being tested in this way, to refuse to send their children to school during the spring of 2012.

Now let’s see ‘them’ not notice.

And let’s be ready with HOW it needs to change.

If you agree, let me know!

Stupid Stuff In The News – April 12, 2011.

Government

Apr 122011

Today in our local news paper there were several things that made me shake my head and roll my eyes. My boyfriend likes to say that behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes so maybe we could carry that over to, “Behind every great country, state and city there are people rolling their eyes.” I don’t know.

For whatever it’s worth, here’s the items that caused my eyes to roll this morning…

Item #1: Santa Barbara’s Government Second Mortgage Program!

Santa Barbara City government officials continue their little ‘conversation’ about our so-called Second Mortgage Recruitment Plan. Evidently the city doesn’t really want to talk about it that much to our local paper, The Daily Sound and honestly, I don’t blame them. I’d be too embarrassed if I’d loaned out a bunch of money (try $4.4 million!) for something I’m sure our Santa Barbara city charter doesn’t cover. Not to mention they haven’t gotten much of the money back. Aren’t you supposed to make monthly payments on a second mortgage? Oh, sorry. That’s only to a normal lender…evidently this doesn’t count when it’s your city employee. A normal lender would have foreclosed on the loan!

But here’s the thing about this…why is it that we think employees need to OWN houses in Santa Barbara to work here and why do we feel the need to entice them with the ability to buy a house here? Tons of us live quite happily renting and I’m sure there’s a good percentage of city employees who also rent here and they seem fine.

What is it with our fascination with owning our own homes anyway? Oh, yah, we’ve been led to think we’re investing…but we’re NOT. You see, in my Camp Millionaire and The Money Game, kids and teens learn that the house you live in isn’t YOUR asset, it’s the BANKS! Even if you own it outright (which very few people do these days), you still have ongoing maintenance costs, property taxes and utilities to live there so unless you have rooms rented out for more that the total of all those things, you’ve still got a liability on your hands.

Add to this that they were only charging interest on those loans of .56 to .46 percent and you have some pretty stupid investing going on. At that rate, far below inflation, we’re losing money on these so-called incentive loans from the very beginning.

Seems Ernie Salomon, a commercial real estate broker and City Hall watchdog has the right idea. He is quoted as saying, “The city is not in the second mortgage business.” Go Ernie.

I’d put money on the fact that if it had been put to a vote of us common city renting dwellers, we would have voted this idea out the window.

So, city of Santa Barbara, please remember in the future it’s OUR money you’re dealing with and the whole idea is NOT to lose money on stupid, inappropriate stuff like this.

Item #2: Mother can’t tell the difference between a glass of Apple juice and a margarita?

OMG…how stupid do you have to be to not notice when a waiter brings your 15 month old toddler an alcoholic drink instead of the apple juice you ordered? It probably won’t hurt the child to have one drink but boy it sure tells us someone needs to keep an eye of the mom’s ability to tend to her child’s health!

Item #3: Raising the US debt ceiling…Obama now says it’s important but why?

This is like charging up to the $25,000 limit on your credit card and calling the company to ask if you can spend more. What’s wrong with this picture. We have to STOP spending money on government piddlyjunk, not let them spend more of our precious money. Oh, that’s right. They think it’s THEIR money to spend.

This opens up a whole new hill of beans; the idea I touched on in my first blog post…that when OUR money becomes THEIR money, it then seems to be THEM against US.

Try as I might, I don’t understand why we can’t spend within our means. But the simple fact is this…

The more people on the dole (being fed by way of some government body), the messier and more out of integrity our governments will be. And it doesn’t matter whether it’s local, state or national. It’s all the same principal.

More and more we’re creating a nation of dependent adults instead of raising generations of independent, creative adults who can 1) take care of themselves and 2) can take care of others.

I watched, Mr. Smith Goes To Washington a couple of days ago and nothing has changed really. Things have just gotten more out of hand and more corrupt because there are more people depending on government money to get by these day.

Somehow this has to change and it’s going to take people speaking out and getting new honest blood in the political system. If you’ve got ideas (and I’m sure you have), share them below!

When did it become US against Them?

Government

Apr 102011

Isn't this US?

What I’m talking about, of course, is our government. At every level, it seems to be about them catching us or getting us or taxing us or prohibiting us. Especially now that our governments are struggling financially more than they have in a long time.

This rant stems from a garage/yard sale I did with a girlfriend next door yesterday in a cute little area of Santa Barbara we call West Beach.

So there we were, Ms. Diana and I, getting things ready for our sale. We had done a bit of spring clearing and came up with a ton of things we didn’t use, want or need. We put the ads in Craigslist of course, posted to a couple local forums and Diana put up about two dozen bring yellow GARAGE SALE signs around three square blocks in order to attract traffic.

And attract traffic it did. As usual, hard core garage sale people show up before you say the sale begins so they can get the best stuff to resell. We knew this so were pretty ready for them when they started arriving upon the scene. This was about 8:30 am or so.

At around 9ish, one of the city’s meter maids, an M. Styczynski, rolls her little motorized buggy around the corner and immediately spies one of our attendees parking the wrong way on the curb. She had a little fit and since he was still in the car, was able to inform him that he had to park the other way on the other side of the street. If he didn’t, she said, his truck would confuse people. Hello?

SIDEBAR: in West Beach there is one side of the street you need parking passes for during the weekend and one side you can park for 90 minutes on. WE were on the need parking pass side but to be very clear…there was plenty of parking as it wasn’t a holiday and it was chilly to boot.

Then someone else pulls up, going the correct way, and tried to park on our side of the street so they could just pop out for a minute or two and check out the sale. Again, she made a point to let this woman know she HAD to park on the other side of the street.

She looked at Diana and I and said, “You’re going to have to tell all these people that they have to park on the other side of the street!” She was NOT, I repeat NOT, in a very good mood. I chimed back, “Well, I’m not going to do that all day because I won’t be watching the cars. I have other things to do but you know, they’re only parking for a couple of minutes. It’s not like this is an issue for anyone (except HER but I didn’t say that).” I’m pretty sure that pissed her off even more.

Over the course of several hours, she rolled around the block at least three more times, constantly trying to catch someone in the act so she could give them a ticket.

Now keep in mind, we’ve all seen the articles and watched the reports about cities who give their employees quotas and I have to say, she could easily have been in that frame of mind…but of course I’m not sure.

SIDEBAR II: Before the sale even started, I moved my car from my driveway behind my home where no one sees it and it’s certainly not a traffic problem, to in front of one of the three single garages the neighbors have. They’re good friends and it wasn’t a problem. The neighbor moved the car back a bit so he could get into his garage and there my car sat. Along with a HUGE pickup truck two cars down in front of the third garage which belongs to one of the other tenants in this apartment building. Both of our automobiles were blocking the sidewalk (but easy to go around for a few hours but we weren’t aware of the issue) but evidently this wasn’t a problem because M. Styczynski certainly would have said something earlier, wouldn’t she? That’s the big question.

How the story ends is that the very last time she goes by, around 2:20 PM, we see her out in front of my car and the truck. I walk the 15 feet down to her and ask, “Now what?” She tells me the issue with the sidewalk. I tell her all she needed to do was ask if either of the cars belongs to someone at the sale. Then she tells me she’s already given us TICKETS!

INSERT 4/15/11 - I just found out that the meter maid did NOT give the truck a ticket for being in the sidewalk, which it certainly was considering its size. She gave it a ticket for expired tags!

Now what you have to know about me is that I don’t GET mad. I don’t GET upset in the way I got upset yesterday hardly ever and I can’t tell you the last time I lit into another human being like I lit into her.

I ‘suggested’ that all she had to do was ask if anyone knew whose cars where parked in front of the garages. She argued that she didn’t have time to do that…ya, right. I vehemently replied that she had plenty of time…that’s her job! I asked her what part of being a human being she didn’t understand…it’s a stupid garage sale. And everyone was having fun, except her, and she just couldn’t let it go for the day.

SIDEBAR III: When it’s raining and really stormy here, the meter maids are no where to be seen. Evidently the RULES don’t apply when it’s wet outside!

Well, she drove away, I fumed for about 30 minutes and now I’m contesting the $48 ticket. The biggest point is that the cars were parked that way all day long, UNTIL she decided to that it was a problem.

If you’ve followed any of my other blogs, you know I lived on the beautiful island of Tortola in the BVI for six week in Jan/Feb. of this year. The thing that I was really drawn to is that things like this wouldn’t happen there. The police don’t give you a bad time if you park somewhere for a few minutes and other people really don’t get into other people’s business (we’ll go there soon). I just couldn’t help wanting to be back in that environment for a bit. It’s so much more relaxing and laid back than here in the US and Santa Barbara I’m sure is a lot more laid back than other places.

Bottom line, I’ll simply ask the question again…

When did it become US against Them when THEM is US?

Additional Note Added 4/15 - I had a meeting with a friend of mine the evening of 4/14. I had been up town for a meeting a few hours earlier and noticed this same meter maid, M. Styczynski, doing her thing around town. My friend tells me he was HIT by one of the meter maids up town that afternoon because evidently he was standing by the rear tire talking to a friend and she couldn’t reach the tire. He said he marked HIM instead and it obvious that it was on purpose!!! OMG

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